


Coming Alive

by AgrippaSpoleto



Series: His own creature [1]
Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Angst, First Kiss, Garak's crimes, Getting Together, Julian's self doubts, M/M, after Broken Link
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-26
Updated: 2019-01-26
Packaged: 2019-10-16 20:43:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,371
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17552885
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AgrippaSpoleto/pseuds/AgrippaSpoleto
Summary: After Garak's release the Cardassian contemplates his and Doctor Bashir's friendship. Little did he know that he wasn't the only one struggling with the change instigated by their lunch debates.





	Coming Alive

**Author's Note:**

> So, I wanted to fill a prompt, but in the end that prompt didn't happen. Well, I thought, let's finish that other fic, only one Chapter to go. My brain: I've got this plot bunny that I insist you write. Now, I've got this angsty piece which may or may not be part of a series of one shots. Depends on what the muses do.  
> Whatever happens, since I love fics that deal with the aftermath of Broken Link, I decided to post my take.
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own these Characters, I'm just borrowing them. Don't worry, I'll give them back in prime condition...

Garak was in his shop, rearranging the mannequins. It normally was a nice change to his routine but today it felt tedious. He had been out of the holding cell for two weeks now and adjusting to civilian life again was difficult to say the least. And doctor Bashir had offered but an excuse every time he had asked for lunch.

The six months in the holding cell had gotten to him more than he cared to admit. Especially since his best friend on the station had been very angry with him for most of his incarceration time. While Garak wouldn’t change his actions, he couldn’t blame his dear friend for his anger. But how do you make amends for doing what you believed was right?

He was pulling at the jacket he was changing with more force than necessary.

“Do I want to know what the jacket has done to you?”

Garak froze. The teasing lilt of the doctor’s voice had not only caught him by surprise but was also not welcome. He exhaled carefully one time and then turned around, customer service smile perfectly in place.

“My dear doctor! What can I do for you?”

Garak winced inwardly. That cheerful demeanour sounded more like a horde of Bajorans celebrating the Emissary's birthday than the suave tailor he had been portraying for years.

Doctor Bashir looked dejected and nervous. Nothing like his usual self, actually.

“I deserve that.”

Garak raised his left eyeridge.

“Whatever you mean?”

His voice was still dribbling sweetness, his smile never waivering.

“This cheerful facsimile of yourself, so far from who – I’m still hoping – you wish to be.”

Bashir dragged his hand over his face.

“I’m sorry. I was so caught up in my anger and hurt that I was ready to sacrifice our friendship. You needed me and I let you down.”

Garak sighed.

“You don’t need to apologise, doctor. I made a decision and now I have to live with the consequences of my actions.”

His mouth curled into a humourless smile.

“I did try to kill you after all.”

Julian growled.

“That is not the issue here, Garak, and you know it. You were ready to kill an entire race!”

While the outburst wasn’t surprising, it startled the Cardassian.

“Why aren’t you enraged by the fact that I was ready to sacrifice you?”

“My life is not important in our discussion! It doesn’t change the fact that you wanted to commit genocide! To avenge a man who has done nothing but using you!”

Garak felt as if the doctor had slapped him. While there was a part of him that felt the urge to avenge Tain, he would’ve never sacrificed Julian just for that man. By all the dead Hebetian gods, when had that happened? Of course he couldn't confess to that but a lie didn’t do. So half the truth and half the lie.

“I did it that no other Cardassian would have to face the war we have now!”

“Damn it, Garak! Do you think I don’t know that?”

Julian let himself fall on one of the chairs, his face hidden in his hands

“I know, why you did it! And I can understand it. And sometimes when I look at the casualty reports I wish you had succeded. It makes me feel like a monster.”

A shudder went through the doctors lithe body. Garak suspected Julian’s secret was the culprit of these feelings. He hadn’t found out the exact nature of the enigma the doctor had been hiding but he knew it scared his friend. Something or somebody made the good doctor feel worthless even monstrous when he was anything but.

Tentatively he touched the doctor’s hands and pulled them from his face.

“Doctor, look at me. I know monsters, I have met some and I’m sure, there are people out there who have every right to call me a monster.”

He paused for a moment, holding the doctor’s gaze.

“But you, my dear friend are no monster. You may be naive or arrogant sometimes, but never cruel and you’ve never ever enjoyed hurting somebody.”

Julian looked at him with his big hazel eyes, unbelieving. Another half truth then.

“You are the beating heart of this station”. _You are for me_.

Julian stared at him. His eyes were wide and glistening with… Hope? Garak’s heart sped up, his neck ridges flaring with heat.

“I don’t really believe you, but for once it has nothing to do with your ability to lie and everything with my capacity to hate myself. Still, your words mean a lot to me.”

Garak shook his head.

“My dear doctor, I sometimes wish you could see yourself as I… as we see you. Maybe you wouldn’t aim so much disgust at yourself...”

Bashir smiled. There still was a self-deprecating quality to the lilt of his lips. But the doctor’s eyes cast a soft adoring look, for once unabashed in their affection. Garak felt himself getting lost in the hazel eyes and it became increasingly difficult to remember why he should resist this beautiful creature. The Cardassian tried to pull himself away from the doctor’s gaze only to be mesmerised by his lips. How could he have ever thought that he would be able to sacrifice Julian?

“Do you hate yourself so much, that you don’t care that I would’ve killed you?“

The truth just slipped out. Garak barely managed to stop his hand from flying to his mouth as if to block more words from coming out of his traitorous lips. He had been ready to be a true Cardassian, to sacrifice one of the few persons he deeply cared for on this miserable station. The relief he had felt when he learned that the doctor was still alive, had made him realise that he was becoming Garak in a way he had never thought possible. Regnar, the part of him that was foremost Tain’s creature, was withering. And he was fine with that, surprisingly.

“Garak?”

The doctor stared at him with wide eyes, obviously surprised by his outburst.

“I’m only one person. In the light of the millions that would’ve died, my life doesn’t matter...”

“It matters to me!”

Garak’s voice boomed through the shop. Both of them stared at each other, stunned into silence. For once the Cardassian wasn’t able to school his terrified features into a neutral expression.

“I just had six months to contemplate what I would’ve done if I had succeeded in killing you. I don’t know what I would’ve done...”

“Garak.”

The doctor’s voice was soft and very close. Garak wanted to take a step back but at the same time he was incapable to. The kiss when it came wasn’t surprising and Garak relished in it. At some point they both pulled away a little.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry...” Garak couldn’t stop saying it. He wasn’t sure to whom he was apologising.

Julian wrapped his arms around him and pulled him close.

“How can you even stand touching me?”

One of the doctor’s hands cupped his cheek.

“Because I see your struggle, your pain. And I believe that you’ve changed more than you wanted and probably expected to. Because I won’t let Tain win.”

“We’ll need to talk about this. It’s not a good idea.”

Julian pecked his lips again.

“Most brilliant things aren’t. How about dinner? My replicator’s treat.”

Garak stared at him. It felt as if the world was about to shift and for once his fate lay in his own hands. The doctor was caressing his facial ridges and Garak grasped his friends wrists. But instead of wrenching the hands from his face as Regnar would have done, he gently stroked the sensitive skin there in a sign of trust.

“Alright. But I’ll bring the drinks. You can’t trust Terrans when it comes to spirits.”

Julian beamed and stole another short but intense kiss. Then he pulled away.

“I’ll see you in six hours, then.”

With that the doctor disappeared into the Promenade leaving Garak bewildered but with a soft smile on his face. Yes, it was time to put Regnar to rest. He was his own creature now. Just as Tolan had always hoped.


End file.
